Me + Writing = Free Therapy

I am tired. Would love to take a nap. Should be listing stuff on ebay ( as per my husbands instructions ) could be cleaning up this place........probably for sure should not be writing ! With that said I think I will share some thoughts. Probably more for my own self then anyone elses but what can I say, I would just much rather write when I am in this mood. Write or sleep. I don't think I would get much sleeping done with all the commotion here so that brings me back to my choice to write. So what will I write about ? I could go on about the frustrations of having a great life and then loosing it but don't worry I won't. I could share how much my heart feels like it is ripping or how my eyes are often hiding pools of tears behind them but once again I will refrain. I know that we are so blessed. Deep down inside I know that. I know without a shadow of doubt every time I see a sick child or the homeless on the side of the road. God has been faithful to us through out this journey. I also remember that I prayed asking the Lord to take everything but our health, if that was what was needed for my prayer to be answered. I remember asking and I still mean it....on most days. I just didn't know it would be so hard. I feel bad for feeling this way. I wish I could every day experience the peace I know on some. I wish a complaint never exscaped from my lips. I ask my loving Father in heaven to forgive me for this. I wish I could pass with flying colors ! Why I can't just be closer to perfect I do not know ! I ask myself what is it that is bringing me to this great place of frustration today ? Without going into too much detail I will simply say we are all sharing a one bedroom apartment. I know that this is just temporally. Four weeks into it though and I need my space ! Or more accurate I think I need the loving embrace of my husband in our own space! I need to be able to talk to him without a seven year old always around. I need my husband to hold me and comfort me. My husband and I have come from a very difficult place in our marriage. One of the greatest blessings we have experienced from Gene being laid off and the journey it led us on , was our relationship after first almost going into extinct has now sprung into the most wonderful we have ever had ! I married my best friend a little over ten years ago and through all the "hell" we have been through he has always been my friend. Even when we didn't know if we should stay together and had such anger at each other we knew we were still friends. Now ten years later he has become so much more then my best friend. I am not one who likes to hide behind a pretty picture that is false. So the truth is told. I was hurt and it has taken me some time to get over the scars but God has brought complete healing to me there in the last few months. I know that this was truly a God thing. All the pain from a childhood "nightmare" and other past experiences in my marriage are gone. Things I thought would take years to get over disappeared over night. The Lord has healed my heart from very deep scars. The result ~I am no longer happy being alone with my husband a couple times a week. I want him every day ! OK, for all of you that are thinking I am just referring to sex, I am but at the same time am not :) I can't even have a simple conversation without a little someone popping around the corner to express his opinion ! Lately I have been trying to ex scape to the bathroom for some privacy but what ya know.... there is no lock on the door ! ( None on the bedroom door either in case you were wondering ! ) Just the other day when driving by a hotel my husband leaned over to share his thoughts on if we could only afford a room for one night........ Thanks for listening to me as I express my frustrations. You have helped me save at least a hundred dollars or so and I appreciate that ! ( Not really sure the going rate for a therapist, haha ) Amazing how writing can help the soul. I always find myself "self soothed" when sitting down with a pen and paper or in this case my laptop and blog :) So it is with a much lighter heart that I say goodbye.